The shivah period begins after the interment
with a simple meal, the se'udat havra'ah, the meal of consolation.
This meal, traditionally provided by family and friends for the mourners,
is not meant to be a social gathering following the funeral. Since it
is a time to rest and contemplate the day's events, only family and
closest of friends should attend. A party-like atmosphere should not
be allowed to develop.
The menu for this meal traditionally includes hard-boiled
eggs, a symbol of life, and round food, such as lentils, which symbolize
the turning of the wheel of life, with its ups and downs. Neither meat
nor wine, two symbols of joy, should be served at this meal.
Mourners are not obligated to have food or drink available
for those who come to visit.
Remember--No one is prepared for a death in the family.
Respect the family's privacy and overlook and keep confidential the
state of kitchen cupboards, drawers and the overall cleanliness of the
house. Especially during a period of illness, such issues are rarely
paramount in a family's thoughts. You would want the same respect shown
to you in similar circumstances.
Set up and Clean up
As preparations are made, be sure to keep in mind
special dietary issues, both medical and kashrut.
• Paper and pen available to record "who
brings what."
• Pitcher of water, bowl, paper towels and
trash container outside front door for washing hands.
• If needed, a sign on front door requesting
that guests remove their shoes as/before entering.
• If necessary because of weather conditions,
place towels or plastic near front door for shoes and boots or use
bed sheets (secure to floor with tape) over rugs/carpet to protect
rugs and entry floors from snow and salt.
• Signs indicating "regular" and "decaf"
coffee.
• Beverages, meal and sweets served buffet style.
• Since the meal is primarily for the family,
be sure the family is seated first. Consider placing a "Reserved
for Family" sign on dining room table so that family has a place
to sit together. At some homes, the hosts put plates together and
serve the family.
• Friends (with the assistance of paid help,
if desired) should do all the preparation and clean up so that the
bereaved family does not have to take care of these details.
Supplies
In addition to the foods that are baked, made or purchased by various
friends, the following should be on hand:
salt, pepper
sugar and cream
coffee makers
coffee (regular & decaf)
soda pop / ice
doilies
paper towels for outside and kitchen
aluminum foil
guest towels for bathrooms
plastic wrap
serving utensils and platters
dish towels
garbage bags
foil pans
masking tape to hold doilies and plates in place
plates: dinner and dessert
napkins: lunch and cocktail
plasticware: knives, forks and spoons
cups for hot and cold beverages
trash container for outside
How much do we need?
Meal of consolation for 50 (a sample menu)
Salt and pepper
Coffee: regular and decaf
Sugar and cream
Ice
Soda pop
Water
Bread - 2 loaves: light rye and pumpernickel
Bagels - 4 dozen
Lettuce salad - 2 large salad bowls, assorted vegetables
included
Carrot and raisin salad
Pasta salad
Veggie tray with dip
Cheese tray
Hard-boiled eggs - 2 or 3 dozen
Tuna salad - 2 kinds each made with several cans
of tuna
Egg salad made with 2 dozen eggs
Lox, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, cream cheese
Noodle kugel - 2 or 3 large (9" x 13" pan)
Fruit - 2 foil pans of assorted cut up fruit
Sweets such as coffeecakes, cookies, bars and brownies.
Additional dinners
It is nice if additional meals can be organized
for the family. They often think that they don't or won't need them,
but they do. Bringing over frozen meals for "whenever" is
truly appreciated.
Prepared and copyright by Beth El Synagogue, Omaha, Nebraska.
A publication of H.E.L.P. Home Education Library Program
Prepared by Rabbi Paul Drazen and Cantor Emil Berkovits
Beth El Synagogue
14506 California Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68154
402-492-8550
